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My Husband Is Autistic

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Embracing Your Role As A Spouse

How I Discovered My Husband Has Autism / Signs of Autism

As a spouse, you have three roles to playa friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. Youll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Why Your Kids Misbehave And What To Do About It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. Youve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Overreliance On Routines And Rituals

In order to manage overstimulation, individuals on the spectrum utilize routines and rituals to cope deviating from them can elevate anxiety. However, being married to someone who needs routines in all areas of their life can be exasperating. Rituals and routines around food, daily chores, and even physical intimacy can make the neurotypical spouse feel constrained and that his/her needs dont count. Both partners need to understand the soothing function of rituals and routines and that they are not done in an effort to undermine the allistic partner.

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Other Signs Of Autism

You may also have other signs, like:

  • not understanding social “rules”, such as not talking over people
  • avoiding eye contact
  • getting too close to other people, or getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you
  • noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not
  • having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities
  • liking to plan things carefully before doing them

Navigating A Toxic Culture With Your Daughter

We Were Married 7 Years Before I Realized My Husband Had Autism

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social mediaand many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

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Creating A Relationship Schedule

An online and/or paper calendar for important weekly, monthly and yearly events such as holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, family visits, and doctors appointments is a useful tool for any marriage or relationship. In an AS marriage, adding to this calendar quiet time, times for conversation, sex, shared leisure activities, exercise, and meditation/prayer can be very beneficial to keeping the partners connected on a day to day basis. Based on this calendaring system, couples might want to work on a Relationship Schedule for their marriage.

For example, having daily scheduled conversations between the spouses can serve to keep the couple connected and in-sync with each other on a daily basis, despite the challenges and many activities of everyday life. In addition to scheduling conversation time, it can be beneficial to also schedule sex in order to meet the needs of both partners.

How Do Men With Aspergers

A person with Aspergers might find it challenging to handle emotions when their world is getting out of balance.A person who suffers from this issue could be prone to expressing themselves overly or to having emotionally disruptive reactions.Some people are unable to relate to other peoples emotional experiences.

Read Also: Is Autism A Rare Disease

Read: There Is Rarely A Right Time To Talk About Your Mental Health When Youre Dating But Do It Anyway

One of the key deficits they have is social communication. So when you arent able to intuitively understand how to relate to others, when everything requires rehearsal and planning, its very effortful for you to be in the company of people, she says.

Because their appearance is like a neurotypical person, you cant tell they have such difficulties. So a lot of times we might jump to the conclusion that this person was being rude.

And because of that, itd lead to misunderstandings and then fractures in relationships, which eventually would lead to a sense of loneliness.

She also cautions against assuming anyone who appears to be quirky or weird is autistic. I refrain, as far as possible, from using these terms, she says.

My angle is really about understanding what your strengths are. What are the difficulties youre currently faced with? What are some skills that you lack and perhaps need to develop? Or is it about a perspective that may not be balanced, thats contributing to certain struggles?

Is Your Man Wired Differently Signs That He May Have Asperger’s Syndrome

Is my Husband Autistic? | lets Take The Autism Spectrum Test

19:01 EDT, 15 February 2014 | Updated:

If a lack of social skills, zero sensitivity and puzzling behaviour sums up your spouse, he could have Aspergers syndrome, says Charlotte Pearson Methven. But if you focus on the positive aspects, it could make him the ideal husband

Britain’s leading authority on autism likens it to an ‘extreme male brain’

Is your other half more likely to remember the score of the FA Cup final 12 years ago than he is to buy a present for your childs birthday? Does he pick the exact moment when youre trying to unpack the food shopping, feed the children and let the dog out, all at once, to ask why his navy argyle socks are not in the drawer? If his behaviour seems inexplicable and, frankly, infuriating then youll be relieved to hear that there may be a good explanation for it: Aspergers syndrome .

For those not familiar with AS, it is a mild autistic spectrum disorder, where those afflicted can lead normal lives, but behave in a way that is rigid and lacking in sensitivity, living up to male stereotyping in spades. Its no surprise then that men account for 90 per cent of AS diagnoses. But the good news is that, by understanding the way an AS mans brain is wired and making the most of his qualities, it is possible to bring out the best in him and have a fulfilling, or certainly less frustrating, relationship.

An AS man will be committed, practical and won’t flirt with other women

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Signs Youre Working With The Neurotypical Partner In A Neurodiverse Relationship

The primary area of conflict for many neurodiverse couples can be broken into two components: emotional connection and communication. Many of the women I work with identify the courtship phase of their relationship as short, comfortable, and consistent. More often than not, however, they can look back and identify what they call red flags: his quirky manners, his deeply focused conversations on things hes interested in and silence when hes not, his apparent discomfort at expressing emotion. At the time, they interpreted these things to be endearing eccentricity, intelligence and skill, and admirable reticencethe stiff upper lip.

For reasons of misinterpretation like this, they went forward to the commitment of marriage. Only with time did the veil slip away, and they realized they were habitually filling in with projections about what their partners behaviors and comments meant on the basis of what they would mean if they did these things themselves. In other words, they applied neurotypical standards and expectations to the behavior of an autistic individual. Slowly but surely, their sense of who their husband actually is erodes until they often become quite uncertain about who he actually is.

The primary area of conflict for many neurodiverse couples can be broken into two components: emotional connection and communication.

How To Date A Man With Autism

Dating someone with autism takes time, work, and effort. But that goes for any other relationship too.

The best thing to do when understanding how to tell if someone has autism, especially if it’s someone you love , you must learn to accept them and not try to change them.

It can be hard to deal with an autistic partner and you may never fully understand how the ASD brain works, but just because it works differently than others doesn’t mean it’s not wonderful and brilliant.

Being clear and openly communicative to your autistic partner is a good way to make your relationship work.

Stasaitis explains that to make a relationship work it “requires a potential partner being willing to be very specific and clear in all communications. You are basically interpreting what you say to them by clarifying your exact meaning. An increase in awareness for both people is important.”

And, like with any relationship, having patience with your partner is everything. Allowing the autistic person time to process everything is crucial when in a relationship with someone on the spectrum.

Read Also: How Many Unvaccinated Babies Have Autism

Effective Habits To Embrace In Parenting

To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your childs life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rsrelationship, routines, responsibilities, and rulesyoull better understand the role you play in your childs life. Youll learn great phrases to employ such as Either/Or/You Decide and When You/Then You. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.

Dr Tim And Mrs Noreen Muehlhoff

My Husband Is Autistic  This Is What It Means For Our Relationship

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution. Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biolas Center for Marriage and Relationships where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast.

Read Also: Can Autism Be Caused By Emotional Trauma

Really Struggling With Autistic Husband

yorkshireyummymummy · 28/04/2018 13:22

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/04/2018 14:14

“I know without me he will end up a complete recluse who forgets to wash, eat properly and wont see anybody as he wont leave the house. So I have no option but to stay”He is not your responsibility here, you are simply thinking that it is and that there is no way out. Your son is your main responsibility here as well as you and he growing up around such a man like his dad won’t do him any favours either. You cannot rescue and or save your H he does this also to you because he can. Are you really in hock to your marriage vows presumably he made the same towards you and has trampled completely over them.His autism diagnosis is completely separate to his overall abuses of you is this really what you want to teach your son about relationships?. That yes, this is how men treat women. You’re showing him that currently at least, his abuses of you are still acceptable to you. He is verbally abusive to you and has isolated you from your friends as well as threatening to commit suicide this is all out of the abusers handbook and all used to keep their chosen target trapped.

SendintheArdwolves · 28/04/2018 14:25

LuckyTwiglet · 28/04/2018 14:29

picklemepopcorn · 28/04/2018 14:34

yorkshireyummymummy · 28/04/2018 15:48

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 28/04/2018 16:11

BlankTimes · 28/04/2018 18:57

Being In A Relationship With Someone On The Autism Spectrum

Karen, my wife, and I had the opportunity to join Roger Love on stage at his Voice of Success Event event. We primarily spoke about how Rogers training has helped us, particularly in our relationship. With me having Aspergers and Karen being a neurotypical, autistic traits were a major focus as they amplify all the common relationship problems and add many additional challenges.

Tim and Karen on stage with Roger Love

While I focus on Autism at Work and bridging the tech/business communication gap, as a Neurodiverse Communication Specialist and with the experience of our 3+ decade marriage, relationship questions frequently come up. The most frequent question is I think my spouse has ASD/Autism/Aspergers and I dont know what to do. Funny thing is the person asking assumes this is an unusual question. I can assure you, it is a very common question so dont think you are facing a unique situation.

At this event I was again asked this questions. I figured it was about time I put together a post explaining a little of how to handle being in a relationship with someone who either is on the autistic spectrum or may be an ASD Lister. An ASD Lister is someone who may not be clinically diagnosable, but has many of the traits and all the thought pattern as if they were on the autism spectrum. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but mixed neurotypical/neurodiverse marriages face far greater challenges to lasting than normal couples.

Recommended Reading: How To Manage Spitting In Autism

Accepting The As Diagnosis

While re-evaluating the relationship in light of the new diagnosis, and striving to achieve acceptance, it is helpful for both partners to continue to seek information about AS, see a clinician experienced with adult AS, and/or join support groups focused on AS marriages or relationships. A detailed understanding of ASboth the challenging and also the positive traitsis important. Individuals with AS can have some highly desirable traits such as loyalty, honesty, intelligence, strong values, flexibility with gender roles, the ability to work hard, generosity, innocence, humor and good looks. Enumerating all the positive and challenging traits of both partners can give the couple a more balanced picture of their marriage.

The Children Are Watching

Autistic Wife, Neurotypical Husband | Neurodiverse Relationship Q& A

The children are watching everything, interpreting it from their limited perspective and understanding. Mommy isnt thinking of this at the time. She is not thinking the children learn how to treat their mother by observing the way their father treats her. She is operating on the assumption her children know her and love her and they see she is a good person. She is unaware that negative lifelong attitudes toward her are being formed in the young minds of the children she loves so dearly, and that these attitudes can come at her later to hurt her every bit as much as the behaviors she suffered from her husband, their fatherthe very behaviors that instilled these attitudes in the children in the first place. She is not thinking about the fact the children will likely remain unware they hold these subconscious notions regarding their mother, regarding how to treat her, regarding what she deserves. They watched how their father treated her. They learned. As adults, they may ignore their mothers feelings and question her judgment, just the way Daddy does.

Daddy doesnt agree, so he doesnt participate.

Also Check: Can Someone With Autism Go To College

Women Get Aspergers Too

Despite the heavy association between Aspergers and the male brain, women can have the

Susan Boyle

condition too, as the recent diagnosis of singer Susan Boyle demonstrates. About 90 per cent of Aspergers diagnoses are in men, but this is largely because women use specific coping and adjustment strategies to camouflage their confusion in social situations, according to clinical psychologist and Aspergers expert Tony Attwood, who believes that the actual male-to-female Aspergers ratio is more like 4:1. In other words, women are just far better at pretending to be normal.

While a boy with Aspergers will present as agitated, clumsy and immature, says Attwood, an AS girl will be far better at covering her condition through imitation. An avid observer of human behaviour, she will learn what to do or say, how to copy others and so go unnoticed unlike the AS boy, she will apologise and appease.

According to a spokesperson for the NAS, a woman with AS may struggle to make female friends, because of the complex way that women build friendships the subtlety and nuance . But romantic unions may fare better, with the right partner a caring man may relish being with a detail-oriented, highly practical but slightly childlike woman it can appeal to his instinct to protect.

On the spectrum:

Actor Paddy Considine was diagnosed with AS when he was 36

Actor Dan Aykroyd says his obsession with ghosts is part of his AS

Rumoured ‘Aspie’ Bill Gates

When Is Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosed

ASDwhich Asperger syndrome falls underis a developmental disability that can cause social, communication, and behavioral challenges, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention . “People with ASD may communicate, interact, behave, and learn in ways that are different from most other people,” the CDC reports, and there’s a wide range of signs and symptoms they can have.

“People with Asperger’s often have difficulties with social situations and can have a hard time recognizing facial expressions and body language,” Anne Nebeker, source specialist and spokesperson for the Autism Society of America previously told Health. “Many of these people also have very specific interests and rigid schedules they like to adhere to.”

Signs of ASD can show as early as the first months of a child’s life. But for others, like Fischer, the diagnosis can come later in life.

“Usually autism is present in early childhood, but when people are very high-functioning, they might not be diagnosed until later in life or at all,” Nebeker said. “Some people just go through life having more trouble than the average person to connect socially but are never diagnosed.”

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