We Leave Conversations Abruptly
Like modern-day Houdinis, autistic people are prone to a disappearing act or two. However, unlike the magicians of the past, were not exactly subtle about it. This can sometimes be observed when we are smack bang in the middle of a conversation and then, once weve said our piece, abracadabra, were as good as gone.
In truth, conversations can be hard work for autistic people, as finding the meaning behind the amalgamation of expressions, words and tone is a long and tiring process. Conversely, Were the ones that can get left behind in discussions and, with so much new information bombarding us, our automatic fight or flight kicks in and were outta there.
If you want to help an autistic person in these circumstances and ensure that we dont prematurely vamoose, give us plenty of opportunities to ask for more information and, maybe, consider speaking more slowly .;
Disrespectful Behavior Caused By Ego
One of the behaviors associated with an autism diagnosis is ego-centrism.;
Our kiddos are typically the center of their own world.
They dont always take in what is happening around them that involves the rest of the world, only what directly impacts them.
An example would be you getting home from work late because you were involved in a fender bender.
Instead of the expected and socially appropriate response of Are you OK?, you might hear something like Dinner is late!.
What the heck?!?! Why is this?
Well, youre obviously OK! Youre home. Mr or Ms Quirky can clearly see that you are here and that youre OK. That is no longer important to them nor relevant.
They dont need to hear about the accident as it doesnt have anything to do with what is most important to them at that moment.
Whats important to them right now is the fact that they are hungry and their routine is messed up!
What Can I Do To Help A Person Having An Autistic Meltdown
As Judy Endow says in her wonderful blog post on the topic:
autistic meltdown is the bodys attempt to gain equilibrium by expending energy, safety concerns often loom large. In fact, safety becomes the focus of attention during the autistic meltdown. The goal for the support person at the height of a meltdown is to ensure safety, knowing the meltdown will continue until the energy is spent. There is no stopping a meltdown in progress.
1)Ensure safety. Individuals with autism may;unintentionally hurt themselves or others during their meltdowns. Have a strategy in place to keep the individual and yourself safe from harm. Personally, I love the unapologetically non-violent;Low Arousal Approach, which in my opinion is one of the best strategies available for coping with meltdowns.;
2)Develop a calming routine. Having an effective calming routine in place for both children and adults is very helpful. Some people may still need help to calm themselves even after the energy from the meltdown is spent. This may include visuals, or musicwhatever works best. A great book that I found for this is;When My Worries Get Too Big by Kari Dunn Buron.
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Clear Rules About Behaviour
Rules are positive statements that let children know how theyre expected to behave and what your family limits are.
The rule might be that your child cant play in the morning until theyre ready for school for example, First get ready, then have playtime. You could use a visual support like a timer to show your child how long there is until you need to leave for school. When your child has finished getting ready, they can play for the time left on the timer. If the timer has finished, theres no time to play.
My Kid Works Harder Than Any Other Child Her Age
As already mentioned, we do not live in a society that is accommodating to people on the Autism Spectrum. This means that an autistic kid has to work much, much harder; to function just about anywhere they go.; Behind that hard-working kid are parents, teachers, and therapists who are also working hard to help that child. An autistic child acting like their neurotypical peers has not been cured. Hes simply working 100 times harder to keep up, and thats something we should all keep in mind.
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My Husband Yells At Our Autistic Daughter What Should I Do
Q: My daughter is 7 and on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. My husband often has a short fuse with her , and will yell at her I’d say at least once a day. I don’t just mean a slightly raised voice or a case where she’s about to touch a hot stove, but yelling with anger in his voice, such as, “Just go to sleep!” when she’s having sleeping issues, or, “Fine, don’t eat the eggs!” if she’s being picky. I suffer from anxiety and am sensitive to people yelling , so when he yells, I get anxious and protective of our daughter, which tends to upset him more . We saw a marriage counselor in the past who basically said it’s normal to yell at your kids , and that he’s screamed at his before. Meanwhile the individual therapist I’m seeing says that it’s never okay to yell at your kids that it may happen, but it’s not okay. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it, but he seems to think it’s no big deal or will deny actually raising his voice. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? He seems reluctant to see a different marriage counselor.
Whatever you do, make a decision and move forward for yourself, your daughter and your husband. Life is precious and short; your daughter needs you to find courage. Good luck.
Warning Signs Youre Raising A Spoiled Child
Struggling with your childs behavior? Sometimes its hard to tell if youre guilty of spoiling. Here are 9 early warning signs of a spoiled child to look out for.
It can start off as the occasional whining. She wants to stay longer at the park or get a new unicorn toy .
Then it escalates to throwing a fit when you try to tell her no, or outright disobeying on purpose when she gets upset. She might even demand which restaurant to eat this week, all without showing gratitude when you agree to go.
No parent intentionally sets out to raise spoiled kids.
Maybe you want to provide financial comforts you never had, or a busy work schedule makes you feel guilty for not spending enough time with her. Giving in seems much easier than putting your foot down, especially when youre exhausted.
But taken too far, you might realize youve got a bigger problem on your hands than you anticipated. Youve always wanted her to be polite, listen most of the time, and be kind to others.
Instead, you feel like you have no control over her any longer.
If you feel like you have a spoiled child, rest assured youre not the only parent struggling with this kind of behavior. Many have realized that time outs dont work and counting to three doesnt have the effect they used to. And you dread the idea of this getting worse over the years.
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Childhood Behavioral Issues And Autism
Most children make loud noises, act impulsively, and run or climb when they shouldn’t. Kids can be picky eaters, refuse to wear certain clothes,;or have a tough time falling and staying asleep.;And at some point, they have all had a full-blown meltdown in public.
Many adults see a child act in these ways and assume the child’s behavior is due to bad parentingparents who are too permissive, don’t set limits, and can’t control their child. But before you judge these as socially unacceptable behaviors, consider the possibility the child may have autism.
Autism spectrum disorder is a complex developmental disability that affects one in 59 children in the United States. There are gradient levels of autistic disability and no two people with autism are the same.
Disrespectful Behavior Caused By Literal Thinking
Another autism behavior is literal thinking and fact consideration based upon their literal understanding.
You may have heard a conversation like this:
What do you mean we cant afford it? Go to the ATM and get the money! Oh, you dont have enough money in the bank? Then work more or tell your boss to pay you more!
They arent being ungrateful or disrespectful. Its simply how they view things due to their diagnosis.
Literal understanding:
A simple example would be the teacher telling the class to write your name at the top of the paper.
When your kiddo writes your name, they arent being sarcastic. Their literal thinking led to fact consideration based on their literal understanding. The teacher said Write your name
Heres a more complex, real life example.
John doesnt get along with one of his classmates. They get into an argument in class and both get sent to the principals office.
While in front of the principal, John calls the fellow student a stupid idiot. When the principal asks John why he said that, John replies, My mom told me to never lie.
He was simply telling the truth as he saw it. This is autism.
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Lawful Basis For Processing Your Data
Tantrums And Meltdowns In Kids With Autism Spectrum Disorders
“How can I handle tantrums with my child on the autism spectrum? How should I deal with ‘meltdowns’? Should the two be treated differently? If so, how does one know the difference between the two? Sorry for all the questions… but this is all new to me. My son was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and I want to do the right thing here! Please help. Thank you.”Causes for Challenging BehaviorsFrequent Tantrums
- Have long-lasting and frequent tantrums.
- Regularly have tantrums after 4 years of age.
- Causing self-injury or becomes violent.
What does a tantrum look like?Why does a youngster with ASD have these tantrum behaviors?What should I do when my youngster has as a tantrum?
- A youngster with ASD who has tantrums is NOT a spoiled brat,stubborn,bad,obstinate,strong willed, or even demon possessed youngster, the tantrum like behavior is one of the manifestations of the disability.
- Never take a tantrum as a personal threat against your authority.
- With appropriate intervention strategies, tantrums do occur less frequently, so hang in there!
Meltdowns–
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Positive And Negative Consequences For Behaviour
A consequence is something that happens after your child behaves in a particular way. Consequences can be:
- positive for example, your child gets more time at the park if they get ready to leave the house
- negative for example, the toy is put away for 10 minutes if your child is throwing it.
You can use both positive and negative consequences to guide your childs behaviour. But its always best to focus more on giving your child positive attention for behaving in ways that you like. This usually means youll need to use negative consequences less.
Time-outQuiet time and time-out are useful consequences. Both involve taking your child away from interesting activities and not giving them attention for a short period of time.
Time-out might not work if your child tends to be withdrawn. It could end up being a reward rather than a negative consequence if it gives your child time alone.
Assume That Most Of Their Identity Is Down To Autism Rather Than Personality Choices
The phrase yeah, thats his autism is one I have heard far too many times. Even in professional circles.
Yes, our autism influences us. Yes, it often gives us particular habits or interests unique to us. But to say its just his/her autism is implying that we dont get any say in the matter.
I remember when I was running a chess tournament in a special school . One crucial match was scheduled for;a day when the school was doing a special event. Throughout the day there was only one opportunity for this game to be played and ten minutes before the start,;one of the students got a migraine and had to go home.
This stressed me out because I was relying on that matchs result so I could drive straight to the trophy centre after work and have the prizes engraved . And Im fairly transparent, so people could tell I was bothered by something.
When I told one of my colleagues I was feeling stressed, she immediately;asked me oh dear- is it because todays been a break from routine?
No, it wasnt.
Some other;examples:
That said, there is a balance. Like I said, autism does have an impact on us. I used to watch Independence Day on video over and over and over and over again when I was twelve, and you could validly say that this habit was influenced by my Aspergers. But the main reason it happened was because Independence Day was an awesome movie!
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We Dont Need Autism Awareness We Need Autism Acceptance
Youve probably seen the bumper stickers, Facebook posts and the t-shirts calling for Autism Awareness. But as parents of children on the Autism Spectrum continually insist, our society is aware of autism. Its autism acceptance that we need. Though one in 68 American children are now diagnosed with autism, our society still treats autistic individuals and their families as social pariahs. To become a more inclusive society will take advancements in access to services, affordable health care, employment opportunities, Medicaid expansion, fair pay, and more opportunities for quality education.
More for Parents and Families:
Theres No Need To Tag Us In Every Facebook Article About Autism
Parents of children on the Autism Spectrum are research junkies, and do their best to stay up-to-date with each and every advancement in the autism community. Certainly, they know more than the average person. As one parent put it, Theres literally no Facebook article we havent seen. So, before you share it and tag us because were that friend with the child with autism, take that into account.
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Praise And Rewards For Appropriate Behaviour
Praise is when you tell your child what you like about their behaviour. When your child gets praise for behaving well, your child is likely to want to keep behaving well.
Descriptive praise is when you tell your child exactly what it is that youre praising. Descriptive praise is best for encouraging good behaviour for example, Thank you for staying calm when you didnt win the game.
Many autistic children like praise and want to behave well to get more praise. But some autistic children dont respond to praise. If your child tends to withdraw from other people, your child might not be motivated to do things to please others. Or if your child has limited language, your child might not understand the positive words youre using.
You can help your autistic child learn to respond to praise. At first you might need to add something to help your child link positive words with things your child likes. This could be something to play with or an activity. After a while, your child might eventually enjoy the praise on its own.
Explaining Autism To Children
Common sense tells us and research supports the idea that children need to understand what autism is all about. The rule of thumb: Do it early and do it often! It is important that your children know about autism and that the information you give them is appropriate for their developmental age. From early childhood, they need explanations that help them understand the behaviors that are of concern to them. For the preschool-age child this may be as simple as Rick doesnt know how to talk, while for the adolescent, it may involve a conversation about the possible genetics of autism.
The key is to remember to adjust your information to your childs age and understanding. For example, very young children are mostly concerned about unusual behaviors that may frighten or puzzle them. An older child will have concerns of a more interpersonal nature, such as how to explain autism to his/her friends. For the adolescent, these concerns may shift to the long-range needs of their sibling with autism and the role they will play in future care. Every age has its needs, and your task is to listen carefully to your childs immediate concerns.
The Autism Society offers practical, age-appropriate information on teaching children and teens to make friends with their classmates on the autism spectrum.
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Do Autistic Children Laugh
Children with autism mainly produce one sort of laughter voiced laughter, which has a tonal, song-like quality. This type of laughter is associated with positive emotions in typical controls. In the new study, researchers recorded the laughter of 15 children with autism and 15 typical children aged 8 to 10 years.