What Its Like To Have Adhd
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I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 20s when my five-year-old son was also diagnosed with the same conditions and prescribed Ritalin. I was also diagnosed with Aspergers another neurodivergent condition. I was given some basic advice to follow on my own, along with the same information that was available 20 years ago. It wasnt much.
Id already been dealing with it all my life, without any medication or support, so I never truly stopped to learn more about it. However, since joining Certitude, I ve learnt a lot more about these conditions. Most importantly, I have finally begun to accept them.
My ADHD symptoms always made me feel different and its a relief to finally understand where they come from. It is liberating to learn about mine and other peoples neurodivergence and realise that Im not alone.
When asked about my ADHD, the first thing that comes to mind is that I never know when Im going to have a bad day or moment. Regardless of how many coping mechanisms I have created and how well I can manage. I am constantly aware that there will always be times when my brain will just not cooperate. I will not be able to perform as well as I want to.
When it happens its a real struggle to deal with the ensuing frustration and anger at its worst, this can lead to spiralling anxiety or a crippling depression if left unchecked.
Learning more about ADHD
Common ADHD challenges
Famous people with ADHD
Adult Adhd Symptom: Daydreaming
Not to be confused with zoning out , daydreaming is different. ADHDers are curious by nature. It’s easy for us to get lost exploring passions and seeking answers to our many questions. Our daydreaming might look like a deep dive into Instagram or re-living an awesome vacation.
If Im not interested in what a person is yammering on abouteven if I know its an important presentation and I should be paying close attentionmy mind starts to wander.
What it feels like: This elementary school classroom simulation offers a look at what struggling to pay attention is like.
What you can do: To keep me focused I’ve trained myself to find at least one thing about the person or presentation thats interesting.
How Adhd Manifests In A Relationship
ADHD is different for everyone. Your partner may not have a diagnosis but can exhibit clear signs of the condition. They may have a diagnosis but not be in treatment at the moment, or they may be in treatment but still experience symptoms.
While there are different types of ADHD, these are some common signs and symptoms:
- Difficulty paying attention
- Disorganization
- Chaotic lifestyle
In a relationship, these symptoms can become problematic at times. Your partner may struggle to listen to you when theyre mentally focused on something else. Your partner may set a goal for themselves that they fail to accomplish. Your partner may promise to run an errand but forget all about it.
Keep in mind, there are also many positive traits associated with ADHD that can make your relationship stronger, such as adventurousness, self-acceptance, divergent thinking, and sublimation. Learning more about your partner and their ADHD is important to building a relationship that lasts.
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They Cant Concentrate When They Are Emotional
If there is something worrisome going on, or if they are upset, a person with ADD cannot think of anything else. This makes concentration on work, conversation, and social situations almost impossible.
When the doors of their mind open, the person with ADD dives in like a scuba diver jumping into the deep ocean.
Adhd Has An Upside: Our Quirks Are Also Strengths
ADHD is not a one-size-fits-all explanation for behavior and difficulties. The disorder puts you at an increased risk of , , , substance use, and suicide. Factors like stress, boredom, disinterest, lack of sleep, being hungry, feeling overwhelmed by noise, or lack of downtime impact how well we adapt to certain work and social environments.
What I know now is that people of all ages can learn and succeed not in spite of, but often because of, their creativity, empathy, imagination, sense of humor, and experience managing stress.
What people dont hear enough: ADHD and all its unruly bedfellows can be managed and even make some people better at coping in extreme situations, such as a global pandemic, lockdowns, or layoffs. Effective strategies include accommodations at work or school . Tutoring, therapy, coaching, peer support, and medication along with a hearty dose of patience, all work well, too.
ADHD is not a trend or a fad. About 1 in 5 Americans live with learning/attention disabilities. That includes children, adolescents, and adults.¹ Those numbers are likely even higher since many are undiagnosed due to factors like stigma and lack of access to care and treatment.
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Navigating The Choppy Waters Of Adhd
There is no standard diagnostic test for ADHD. Most clinicians use neuropsychological tests to see where on a spectrum of skills and behaviors a person fits in. But it can be more art than science, which makes for a lot of grey areas.
Edward Hallowell, MD, psychologist, and author of the best-selling ADHD guide Driven to Distraction, also has ADHD. He famously describes it as having the brain of a Ferrari with the brakes of a bicycle.
Even today, the simplest thingsfinding my way back to a lecture hall from the bathroom or getting nauseated by the noise of a colleague chewing loudly at lunchagitate me. But I find workarounds and work hard to compensate for any shortcomings.
To help neurotypicals understand us, Ive created a composite of an ADHD adult. My hope is that in reading this you will gain respect for these differences, see value in our quirks and talents, and be more sensitive to how we think, feel, work, and experience life.
Adult Adhd Show And Tell
A good place to start is by watching Jessica McCabe TedX talk, Failing at Normal which is both humorous and educational. Then, read on for an insider look at the ADHD experience, with the help of a few online tools. If it explains a lotor sounds like someone you loveseek a medical diagnosis. Getting the care and treatment you need to thrive with ADHD requires it.
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Hone Your Communication Skills
Roberts suggests using objective language when communicating with your partner, such as I feel statements.
Rather than criticizing your partner for their behavior, it will be more beneficial to explain how that behavior makes you feel. Rather than verbally attacking them for not listening to you, for example, you could explain that when they are on their phone, it feels as though they arent fully engaged in what youre saying.
Roberts recommends scheduling a time to discuss whats working and whats not. It would help if you discussed your daily life, such as systems youve established, distribution of labor, and how to communicate issues or concerns as they come up. It may help to schedule check-ins, too.
Adult Adhd Symptom: Working Memory Challenges
My understanding of big concepts, patterns, and ideas is huge and enviable. My ability to remember names and dates or end a sentence when I am distracted is poor. Ive been called out for seemingly careless spelling mistakes and not paying attention. Its not because I dont give a hoot, its that my brain lacks a strong working memory meaning it lacks the ability to retain and remember short-term.²
Spoken information or detail on a screenrather than on a physical piece of paperare the most difficult to recall. Heap on a measure of anxiety or depression and it becomes even more difficult to summon facts in working memory.
In ADHD adults like me who also struggle due to dyslexia and dyscalculia this can manifest as skipping words or seeing $50,000 as $5000, somewhat problematic when filing your taxes, for example.
What it feels like: I used to be bewildered by my inability to pay attention so I began tracking the problem. Noting when and where it occurred helped me understand that my brain melts down in noisy, crowded places. Big meeting halls, bustling airports, busy restaurantsyou get the idea. Its not unusual for me to forget my gate number at the airport and become frustrated when I cant recall the Wi-Fi system password that was just flashed before me in a slide presentation moments ago.
What you can do:Try noise-canceling headphones if grocery shopping exhausts your brain, or consider having your food delivered.
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When To See A Doctor
If youre experiencing some or all of these signs, you may have ADHD. The best way to determine if you have ADHD is to be evaluated by a mental health professional.
Receiving a diagnosis as an adult requires a different process than ADHD diagnosis in children. Your doctor or psychologist will have you complete an ADHD rating scale and ask you a number of questions. Theyll assess the history of your symptoms and whether these symptoms have had a significant negative impact on your work and relationships.
They may ask your permission to interview someone who knows you and your history well, such as your parent, partner, or someone who works with you, to get another perspective on your behaviors.
When diagnosing ADHD, your doctor will also rule out 16 conditions or groups of conditions that have symptoms similar to ADHD so that youre not misdiagnosed. However, these can be diagnosed as co-occurring conditions. They include:
People Explain What Adhd Feels Like
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is much more than an inability to pay attention. For people with ADHD, the challenges associated with it can affect every aspect of their lives.
The Mighty teamed up with Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder , a nonprofit aimed at improving the lives of people affected by ADHD to ask people who have ADHD how they would describe their condition to someone unfamiliar with it.
This is what they had to say:
1. Its like opening 100 tabs in your browser at once and trying to do something different in each one at the same time. Then someone walks up and wants to have a conversation. Jennifer Arnott
2. Its like trying to listen to your favorite show with really bad noise disrupting the signal. All the while, loud children are screaming around you and throwing things. C hristine Ashley
3. Its like being a cat with 100 people with lazer pointers. Jamie Hynds
4. Its like The Big Bang Theory theme song Theres so many random things happening at a fast speed.
5. Picture a room with 1,000 TVs with each TV showing something different. Now try and concentrate on just one TV with out getting distracted. Damian DaViking Aird
6. Jack hammers. Lots of them in my brain. And a parade. With clowns and balloons and banners, and a marching band and strobe lights. When people talk to me it feels like someone is popping bubble wrap in my ears. Sophie Moir
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When To Contact A Doctor
A person should contact a doctor if they believe that they could have untreated or undiagnosed ADHD.
The doctor will be able to recommend a treatment plan based on the individuals symptoms and overall state of health.
Receiving a correct diagnosis and treating and managing certain challenging behaviors can help adults with ADHD better cope with the symptoms of the condition.
How Does Adhd Affect Adults
Some adults who have ADHD dont know they have it. These adults may feel it is impossible to get organized, stick to a job, or remember to keep appointments. Daily tasks such as getting up in the morning, preparing to leave the house for work, arriving at work on time, and being productive on the job can be especially challenging for adults with undiagnosed ADHD. These adults may have a history of problems with school, work, and relationships. Adults with ADHD may seem restless and may try to do several things at the same timemost of them unsuccessfully. They sometimes prefer quick fixes rather than taking the steps needed to gain greater rewards.
A person may not be diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood because teachers or family did not recognize the condition at a younger age, they had a mild form of ADHD, or they managed fairly well until they experienced the demands of adulthood, especially at work. Sometimes, young adults with undiagnosed ADHD have academic problems in college because of the intense concentration needed for college courses.
It is never too late to seek a diagnosis and treatment for ADHD and any other mental health condition that may occur with it. Effective treatment can make day-to-day life easier for many adults and their families.
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Is It Possible To Have Adhd With Decent Grades In School
Well, I don’t know how to start.
I am male 19 years old and a student. I’ve always had problems getting things done and felt like I was a lazy perfectionist and a daydreamer. My school life was a stroke of luck because I had a lot of teachers who didn’t make tests, didn’t value lack of participation too badly and one teacher allowed to do homework in his subject. Also, the final exams were easier because of Covid-19. This way, I got through school alright without studying much.
I always did everything on the last minute and now that I am a student I have major problems with that. Just like I can’t clean up my room, I can’t bring myself to study. Last semester I always opened the school books for the first time when there was an exam in two hours. And although I barely made it through all the subjects, I would like to change something fundamentally. Since this way of “learning” totally stresses me out. Then came the school break. The whole summer I wanted to study – without success. All summer I wanted to get tested for ADHD – I managed to make an appointment on the last day before the semester started.
I feel really lost and empty at this point. Do you know what I can do now? Do you have any advice or do I maybe not have ADHD after all?
My parents are no help by the way. They don’t even ALLOW the thought that I might have an impairment and call me lazy. Without wanting to victimize myself right now – kind words are highly appreciated..
Work Together As A Team
Just because one partner has ADHD doesnt mean you cant have a balanced, mutually fulfilling relationship. The key is to learn to work together as a team. A healthy relationship involves give and take, with both individuals participating fully in the partnership and looking for ways to support each other.
Take some time on both sides to identify what youre good at and which tasks are most challenging for you. If your spouse is strong in an area in which youre weak, perhaps they can take over that responsibility, and vice versa. It should feel like an equal exchange. If youre both weak in a certain area, brainstorm how to get outside help. For example, if neither of you are good with money, you could hire a bookkeeper or research money management apps that make budgeting easier.
Divide tasks and stick to them. The non-ADHD partner may be more suited to handling the bills and doing the errands, while you manage the children and cooking.
Schedule weekly sit-downs. Meet once a week to address issues and assess progress youve made as a couple.
Evaluate the division of labor. Make a list of chores and responsibilities and rebalance the workload if either one of you is shouldering the bulk of the load.
Delegate, outsource, and automate. You and your partner dont have to do everything yourselves. If you have children, assign them chores. You might also consider hiring a cleaning service, signing up for grocery delivery, or setting up automatic bill payments.
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Having An Altered Sense Of Time
One of the hallmarks of ADHD is living in the now. People with ADHD find it hard to keep track of time. Theyre often late for appointments, cant accurately estimate how long it will take for them to complete a task, and leave complicated tasks until the last minute. This is referred to as time blindness.
The reason this happens, according to researchers , is that the brains prefrontal cortex which is responsible for executive functioning doesnt work as well at managing focus and behavior in adults with ADHD.
This is also the part of the brain that helps you plan for the future. Its what allows you to prepare yourself for whats coming next and plan how much time you have to realistically complete tasks.
If that part of the brain isnt functioning properly, then youre unable to accurately look into your future.
As a comparison, think of people who are nearsighted: They can only read things that are near to their face. Similarly, people with ADHD sometimes have difficulty anticipating and preparing for future events. The farther away an event is, the harder it is to deal with it.
Break Free Of The Parent
Many couples feel stuck in an unsatisfying parent-child type of relationship, with the non-ADHD partner in the role of the parent and the partner with ADHD in the role of the child. It often starts when the partner with ADHD fails to follow through on tasks, such as forgetting to pay the cable bill, leaving clean laundry in a pile on the bed, or leaving the kids stranded after promising to pick them up. The non-ADHD partner takes on more and more of the household responsibilities.
The more lopsided the partnership becomes, the more resentful they feel. It becomes harder to appreciate the ADHD spouses positive qualities and contributions. Of course, the partner with ADHD senses this. They start to feel like theres no point to even trying and dismisses the non-ADHD spouse as controlling and impossible to please. So what can you do to break this pattern?
Tips for the non-ADHD partner:
- You cant control your spouse, but you can control your own actions. Put an immediate stop to verbal attacks and nagging. Neither gets results.
- Encourage your partner when they make progress and acknowledge achievements and efforts.
- When possible, try to focus on your partners intentions, rather than what they actually do. They may lose concentration when listening to you, for example, but that doesnt mean they dont care about what you have to say.
- Stop trying to parent your partner. It is destructive to your relationship and demotivating to your spouse.
Tips for the partner with ADHD:
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