Sunday, July 14, 2024

Why Is My Autistic Son So Angry

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Children On The Autism Spectrum Are Not Dumb

Autism Q&A: Why Is My Autistic Child so Aggressive? Hitting and Violent Behavior Explained (2019)

Kids with autism have the potential to be absolutely brilliant. Theyre also talented, philosophical, kind, and creative. This is something much of society fails to see, but in truth, the autistic mind is simply wired differently than those not on the Autism Spectrum. Hans Christian Andersen, Emily Dickinson, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Michelangelo, Mozart, and Sir Isaac Newton all are said to have exhibited autistic tendencies.

Focus On Your Child Not Staring Bystanders

Meltdowns for any child can get noisy, but they tend to go to a whole other level of loud when its a child with autism.

These outbursts can feel embarrassing to parents when were in public and everyone is staring at us.

We feel the judgment from some saying, Id never let my kid act like that.

Or worse, we feel like our deepest fears are validated: People think were failing at this whole parenting thing.

Next time you find yourself in this public display of chaos, ignore the judgmental looks, and quiet down that fearful inner voice saying youre not enough. Remember that the person who is struggling and needs your support the most is your child.

Adhd And Abusive Language

Q: What would you suggest for moving away from abusive language when my son is angry. He says a lot of mean, hurtful things wishing death or severe harm on me, his grandmother, and his sister. Then, two minutes later, he acts as if nothing has happened.

A: His abusive language is essentially like a valve that lets steam out of a tea kettle. Once its out, its gone. It has evaporated for him. He doesnt actually see the effect of his words or behavior on other people. Even if you tell him his words and behavior are hurtful to others, it doesnt seem to be sinking in. Instead, what I would do is move towards apologies of action. When you use that kind of language, in order for us to see that you are truly sorry you are going to help me fold the laundry or go to the grocery store or do something else to demonstrate that he acknowledges the harm done.

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What Kind Of Tantrum Is It

How you respond to a tantrum also depends on its severity. The first rule in handling nonviolent tantrums is to ignore them as often as possible, since even negative attention, like telling the child to stop, can be encouraging.

But when a child is getting physical, ignoring is not recommended since it can result in harm to others as well as your child. In this situation, Dr. Lopes advises putting the child in a safe environment that does not give her access to you or any other potential rewards.

If the child is young , try placing her in a time out chair. If she wont stay in the chair, take her to a backup area where she can calm down on her own without anyone else in the room. Again, for this approach to work there shouldnt be any toys or games in the area that might make it rewarding.

Your daughter should stay in that room for one minute, and must be calm before she is allowed out. Then she should come back to the chair for time out. What this does is gives your child an immediate and consistent consequence for her aggression and it removes all access to reinforcing things in her environment, explains Dr. Lopes.

What Is Anger Rumination

Why Are Kids So Angry These Days?

Anger rumination is a cognitive-emotional process referring to the tendency to dwell on frustrating experiences and recall past anger experiences . More generally, rumination represents a maladaptive form of emotion processing that entails remaining focused on the stressor through repetitive and passive dwelling upon distress, past mistakes, regrets, and short-comings . Rumination may inhibit the use of cognitive control strategies such as reappraisal and problem solving, due to the prolongation of emotional distress.

Anger rumination can deplete self-regulatory resources, leading to reduced behavioral inhibition .; Social anxiety could also lead to anger rumination, which in turn could lead to hostility or expressions of anger.

Anger rumination is also positively correlated with autism symptom severity. It is also associated with poorer functioning, including more depression symptoms and overall emotional and behavioral dysregultion. . Rumination may also be a factor in other forms of challenging behavior such as disruptive behaviors .

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Behaviors Caused By If/when Thinking

With autism, our kiddos may not understand If/When thinking, and we often misunderstand how deep that runs.

I gave an example of this in the video Black Is The New Blue. A general statement is true IF this happens, or a general statement is true except WHEN that happens.

Heres a deeper look at how this can make a child with autism seem disrespectful.

Our child is given a present or reward when they are behaving well , and of course presents on Christmas and birthdays.

When someone else gets something unexpectedly and they dont, that is their frame of reference, so why didnt they get something too?

I buy Bella a necklace as a surprise for no other reason than the fact that I love her. John wants to know why he didnt get something too.

It doesnt matter that he constantly gets new games, new movies, new fishing gear; none of those things were treats or gifts.

Its unfair that Bella got a gift for no reason and he didnt. Dont I love him too? Hasnt he been well behaved today?

Its not that hes ungrateful for those other things.

The fact is his autism doesnt permit him to correlate all thats been given to him in the past with his current frame of reference which is that Bella is receiving a gift for no reason and he isnt.

When Your Child Gets Physical Talk To Them Truthfully About The Consequences

When rage leads to physical violence, its time to talk with your child about the possible consequences of their behavior. You should not ignore this type of behavior. Even a small child can inflict serious harm to others in the midst of rage, but this child will someday be much bigger, and this could become a serious safety issue.

Let your child know that this type of behavior wont be tolerated and that people who do such things may have to go to a juvenile detention center or a jail. Be honest with your child about what you expect of them and seek the guidance of a professional if you need help.

In an emergency, if you cant handle the situation and are in fear of someone being hurt, call 911.

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The Emotional Journey Of Parenting A Child On The Autism Spectrum

Parents of a child on the autism spectrum can experience a range of different feelings, which surface from time to time. There are no right or wrong feelings. These feeling are a natural and normal reaction to parenting. All parents respond to the demands of caring in their own way. Feelings are always individual and everyone will react differently. Regard your feelings as signposts. They will tell you when things are not going well and need your attention.

Disrespectful Behavior Caused By Problems Communicating

Q: Why Is My Child with ADHD So Violent and Angry Now?

The final behavior associated with autism that I want to cover is communication issues.

One of the key behaviors Drs look for when diagnosing autism is problems communicating. Many times, people confuse this with the inability to talk.

That might be the case sometimes, but it goes well beyond that.

One of the things we teach John over and over again is to use his words properly.

John: Give me an apple!

Me: John, are you saying you want an apple?

John: Yes

Me: Then use your words properly please. You dont demand an apple, you ask for one.

John: May I have an apple right now? And cut it up for me!

Me: Oh John LOL

Of course there are other issues with communication that someone on the spectrum might exhibit.

I am simply showing with easy to understand examples how things like this can lead to the perception of an autistic person seeming disrespectful.

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Why Is My Child So Disrespectful

Have you ever enrolled your child in a great therapeutic or alternative program that offered improvements in behavior? Maybe things are cruising along, everyones in the flow and then bam! Suddenly your child seems WORSE than before! Now there is some backtalk and strong opinions about things where there was harmony and eager-to-please attitudes before.

Or maybe you have a great set of tools that have been working for certain struggles at home or in school and then suddenly they stop. They wear off. The rewards lost their power and any consequences dont seem to matter.

Its very frustrating and confusing, especially when you cant identify reasons or patterns. Erratic and disrespectful deeds and outbursts seem to be all you encounter.

If youre like me, you immediately start analyzing where you think youve gone wrong as a parent, or what rules you are too relaxed about, or what changes should be made effective immediately to end this new attitude in your home.

Before you start calling military schools or Nanny 911, take a step back and consider what might be going on. It may not be disrespect at all!

There is a big picture. One that your child cannot identify for him or herself, so you have to play detective: be open-minded and look for some clues.

Sensory Processing issues

Fear from a change or disruption in routine


Healing crisis

Lack of empathy skills

Um dunno.

Just being a child

Im Not An Autism Expert

If you want to learn more about autism and what its like to be autistic, there is one reliable source: a person on the Autism Spectrum. Parents of autistic children can tell you what it is like to live with a person on the Spectrum. They are experts on their own child. But the only person who can tell you what its like to live with autism is an autistic person himself.

Also Check: What Is The Life Expectancy Of People With Autism

Can Adhd Lead To Bipolar

Research studies show that about 70 percent of people with the condition also have ADHD, and that 20 percent of people with ADHD will develop Bipolar Disorder. The tragedy is that, when the disorders co-occur, the diagnoses are often missed. It can take up to 17 years for patients to receive a diagnosis of BD.

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Why Is My ADHD Child So Angry?
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    When My Son With Autism Melts Down Heres What I Do

    Health and wellness touch each of us differently. This is one persons story.

    I sat in the child psychologists office telling her about my six-year-old son who has autism.

    This was our first meeting to see if we would be a good fit to work together toward an evaluation and formal diagnosis, so my son wasnt present.

    My partner and I told her about our choice of home-schooling and how weve never used punishment as a form of discipline.

    As the meeting continued, her brows became hawklike.

    I could see the judgment in her expression when she began a monologue about how I needed to force my son to go to school, force him into situations that make him extremely uncomfortable, and force him to socialize regardless of how he feels about it.

    Force, force, force.

    I felt like she wanted to stuff his behaviors into a box, then sit on top of it.

    In reality, each and every child with autism is so unique and different from what society deems typical. You could never fit their beauty and quirkiness into a box.

    We declined her services and found a better fit for our family for our son.

    A Syllogism: Some Autistic People Really Are Jerks

    Faulty Syllogism

    Note: ;I wrote this post in February of 2012. ;The individual I refer to in this post is a person I know in my day-to-day brick and mortar life and not in the autism blogosphere. I re-posted this piece recently in protest of the idea that autism excuses unkind behavior. ;

    -Leigh Merryday, January 2013;

    I cant believe Im actually going to say this. ;I find myself thinking about syllogisms today. ;Those of you who endured Logic 101 should remember these.

    Syllogisms go something like this: ;All cats have four legs. ;A table has four legs. ;Therefore, all cats are tables. ;This is a false syllogism, in case you havent already guessed. ;In Logic 101, cats can actually be tables. ;But only in a correct syllogism.

    I;loved this class, mainly because I got math credit for it. ;A math class that involved creative and persuasive writing. ;I loved being able to ignore the words while conclusively proving some silly arguments.; The nice thing about logic is that you can whip out a Venn diagram and visually prove or disprove an argument-including some pretty sophisticated ones.

    And;logic did teach me something. ;Namely, that we have to be careful about black and white, part or whole kinds of declarations. ;Its quite easy to reach the wrong conclusions based upon nothing but personal observation and well-intentioned generalizations.

    So, then I ask myself why are we guilty of doing this ourselves?

    Here is a syllogism that works:

    All persons with autism are human beings.

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    Incredible Adam And A Day With Autism: An Illustrated Story Inspired By Social Narratives

    Ander opened his mouth and screamed at her, flapping his arms so that one palm smacked the glass breakfast table making it jump a bit. Nora jumped herself, backing up slightly. She couldnt help it: she was actually feeling afraid of her own son. He had hit the table so hardIt wasnt supposed to be this wayshe thought to herself.

    And then, in a sudden burst of movement, Ander jumped up, ran towards her, and tackled her. Nora fell backward, her elbow cracked against the tile floor, and the impact knocked the air from her chest. She was gulping like a hooked fish when Ander landed his first punch on her cheekbone. The next one caught her neck and the third her right ear, and her head reverberated with shrill ringing. Finally, with a gasp, she filled her lungs, but she couldnt push free. Ander was stronger. So she cried helplessly as her baby boy howled and beat her. The once chubby hands that used to grasp at toy cars had become powerful fists that continued striking her until, mercifully, her husband opened the front door. Then it stopped as quickly as it had begun; Peter was still strong enough to pull Ander away from Norafor now.

    After the barking dog woke her, Nora wondered through her familiar exhaustion whether she really knew her own child, knew how to care for him, what he needed, or even knew how to be a good parent. She closed her eyes and willed the barking to stop. When it finally did, she exhaled, not even realizing shed been holding her breath.

    Dont Stop Trying To Include Us

    Why Is My Autistic Son Aggressive? Understanding Aggression In Teens (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

    Autistic children, their siblings, and their parents are simply people, and people like to feel as if they are a part of a community. Though spending the day with a child on the Autism Spectrum may come with a few additional challenges, continue to spend time with them. Ask families to come to the Sunday BBQ, ask questions to better understand, and invite the parents out for dinner and an evening away. If they say no, ask again next time.

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    About Aggressive Behaviour And Self

    Autistic children sometimes express their emotions through aggressive behaviour towards others. Sometimes their aggressive behaviour can be directed towards themselves. This is called self-injurious behaviour. They might hit, kick, throw objects or hurt themselves for example, by head-banging.

    Autistic children might behave aggressively or hurt themselves because they:

    • have trouble understanding whats happening around them for example, what other people are saying or communicating non-verbally
    • have difficulty communicating their own wants and needs
    • are very anxious and stressed
    • have sensory sensitivities, like an oversensitivity to noise or a need for stimulation
    • want to escape from stressful situations or activities.

    Aba Therapy For Controlling Anger

    Anger treatment is a crucial part of helping your child with high-functioning autism. Children who havent learned how to manage their anger can have a hard time processing their emotions and dealing with built-up stress. The earlier you start with the treatment, the quicker your child will learn and be able to put in use coping and anger management skills.

    Applied Behavioral Analysis is considered being one of the most successful interventions for helping children with autism learn desired behaviors through positive reinforcement. By improving communication and social skills and regulating potentially harmful behaviors, ABA therapy can help to reduce aggressive actions and help children with high-functioning autism better regulate their emotions, including anger. This type of therapy has been proven to be effective in both reducing and eliminating aggressive behaviors.

    When it comes to anger management skills, ABA can help high-functioning autistic children to:

    • Learn how to avoid negative responses or behaviors.
    • Reduce the frequency of unwanted behavior.
    • Learn acceptable alternative behaviors.
    • Identify and appropriately communicate emotions, including anger.
    • Learn the coping skills for emotional regulation.
    • Have appropriate social interactions and communication that dont result in aggression.;

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